This is a guide for men who are with women suffering from vaginismus (a painful contraction at penetration).

This guide will tell you how you can help her to resolve this problem.

Note: for best result your female partner ALSO needs to do the work from her side and she needs to get the guide Vaginismus – for women.

WHAT IS VAGINISMUS?

Vaginismus is when you struggle to penetrate.

The vagina contracts and doesn’t allow insertion.

Trying to penetrate causes pain for the woman.

Sometimes the pain is really strong and sex is completely impossible.

If you experience this with your partner this is DIFFERENT from a situation where the movement is painful because of friction, tightness, or other irritation.

The main sign of vaginismus is that you can’t penetrate - at all, or it happens with a lot of difficulty.

This is vaginismus – an involuntary contraction of the muscles.

WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?

Most often the vagina contracts due to mental tension and anxiety.

Sometimes women are anxious about penetration or pain they will feel in it.

Sometimes they feel uncomfortable or tense about something else in sex, but this tension manifests in penetration.

But often the painful contraction is in itself what your partner will be anxious about – and this causes it.

Vaginismus is a very difficult problem to have in sex.

It’s not a simple case of her trying to relax or ‘to be less nervous’.

If everything is good in your relationship she won’t be nervous about you – but she knows she has this problem and it will hurt.

This is a very difficult cycle for her to get out of.

Her body is often contracting completely out of her control. 

She would like it not to be the case – much more than you would – and she really is trying.

No one wants to have this.

But it is very difficult to control.

TOGETHER YOU CAN BEAT VAGINISMUS

BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP OVERSIMPLIFYING IT AS 'SHE NEEDS TO RELAX MORE'.

This is frustrating for you and unrealistic for her.

You have to respect it as a complex and very distressing problem for her, which needs a number few changes in your sexual technique, and can be worked on together with time, patience, love and support.

Getting rid of vaginismus is impossible without her participation.

It is her anxiety and she needs to learn to deal with it within her body.

She needs to read the product:
Vaginismus

However, she can’t do it without you.

What you do in your lovemaking has to change dramatically to give her that more relaxed pace where she can get rid of the contraction without pressure and anxiety.

Your role as a partner in this process is essential.

This is what you need to do to help:

A DIFFERENT KIND OF FOREPLAY

The usual foreply will get her more tense.

You need to learn new and more effective foreplay: loving, nurturing, relaxing and soothing.

It will relax her and soften her body.

Getting her hot is not essential – getting her relaxed is.

How you make her feel before the penetration is the key to getting rid of the vaginismus – but you most likely have the wrong idea at the moment of what you need to be doing in the foreplay.

DIFFERENT TECHNIQUE FOR PENETRATION

You will also need to overhaul completely how you penetrate.

You will need to use a very specific sequence: a lot slower and more gentle, giving her control and time to relax.

One of the most effective techniques you will have to learn is to penetrate with a soft penis and get an erection inside.

This will massively help her to get over the problem.

BETTER MOVEMENT TECHNIQUE 

During the intercourse you also have to be very supportive and make her feel relaxed and loved.

You need to adjust your movement to be a lot more careful,

You need to learn a new kind of build up that will feel amazing to her.

You have to support her when she needs a pause to relax.

You need to learn a more caring and loving movement that will help her to heal.

If you support her and create the right space then together you can beat vaginismus.

When it goes away you can go back to having sex any way you like.

However, for the moment sex needs to happen in a very specific way to help her relax and let go of that anxiety.

So don’t treat it as just her issue – that anxiety very much depends on how you are having sex with her.

Vaginismus is not just feeling a bit tense.

It’s a difficult and complex condition.

You need to understand fully how it works and what the woman needs, so make sure that you read the Fix for her (and she reads it too):

Vaginismus

But this guide for you specifically is an essential addition.

This is an essential guide for partners, the most comprehensive set of techniques and approaches to give you the ability to help her overcome vaginismus.