Don't believe what they told you about your 'low desire'.
If you have 'low libido' or low desire for sex, it is normally presented in our culture as you have high or low ‘fuel’ for sex.
There is often advice to look into your health, hormones, lifestyle, communication, etc.
It's an assumption that sex is obviously great you should want it and if you don't – something is wrong with you.
Leaving aside some obvious causes like health issues or not being attracted to your partner – low desire for sex is not a simple issue at all, it is very complex.
There is always a very complex picture in every indidivual case, and each case is different.
You can't fix it with a cream or a health cocktail.
You don’t want to do something – why is it that you don't want to do it?
There can be many different components that make you not want to do something.
Is it too hard?
Does it take too much energy?
Is it disappoining?
Is it not attractive?
Does it have litte value?
Is there a negative association? Etc etc
These are actually the most common reasons you don't want sex.
Not because somethign is wrong with your health.
So there is no way to ‘fix’ low desire for sex because everybody doesn't want sex for DIFFERENT reasons.
And it is not about making sex more spiced up or exciting.
That doesn't work.
It only works for a very quick moment - it is just fleeting clickbait and it will not resolve the root causes of your low desire for sex.
ULTIMATELY, FOR MOST WOMEN LOW DESIRE FOR SEX CAN BE SUMMARISED WITH ONE ROOT CAUSE:
SEX IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO WANT IT ENOUGH
It is pointless to try to explain this with broken physiology, not enough exercise, stress or not enough excitement.
If sex is not good enough you won’t want it enough.
The problem is that in our culture sex that is considered ‘good’ is actually not good enough for women.
That passionate exciting burst with lots of friction ending with an orgasm is just not good enough.
So you will try to make sex ‘good’ along that model and it will not be good precisely because of that.
Then you will not be drawn to it enough and you will think that something is wrong with you.
This is why to uncover you desire for sex you need to look into the entire way of how you have sex and what it is about.
HERE ARE THE MOST COMMON REASONS YOU HAVE LOW DESIRE FOR SEX:
1. YOU JUST DON'T GET MUCH OUT OF SEX
You’ll try to do the ‘great sex’ – passionate, adventurous, fun.
You’ll work on the physical sensation and you will consider yourself successful if you have reached one intense sensation in the end – the orgasm.
And it’s nice...
But even so - after a short initial honeymoon period of being hormonally attracted via instinct, once it calms down this kind of sex just doesn't give much.
You don’t feel an overwhelming drive to frequently dedicate time to this because none of this is just that important to you.
So what, that you got some entertainment and a physical sensation? What does it actually give you?
And then to be more interested in sex you try to make it ‘better’ by forcing even more passiona and‘adult fun’, or 'fixing' your orgasms.
None of it becomes makes sex any more valuable to your life and you have a feeling that it is all some sort of meaningless chase.
That’s why you check out.
On the surface you are doing ‘great sex’ by the book.
Deep down you don’t see much value in it, or much point in giving it so much of your attention.
Yes, sex is not important to you – not in this form.
You would be more interested in sex if it felt like true enrichment.
Real enrichment in each moment with gorgeous energies. A real aliveness. A real nourishing, nutritious thing in your life. A real powerful experience of love and connection with your partner. Making a real relationship and a real journey with your partner. A lot more sensory beauty for the body. A lot more nutrition for the soul. Feeding your wellbeing, and your energies in life. Making you alive and vibrant.
Then you would be more interested in sex.
If it just gives some fun, a pleasant sensation and entertainment we call ‘passion’ - then it’s ok sometimes but it's just not that big a deal to make time and energy for it.
2. THE TECHNIQUE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
The technique for women in mainstream sex is just not good enough to engage the woman’s body well and give her the full richness of her sexual energies.
All the mainstream sex technique works fine for men but not for the woman's body.
The technique needs to be improved in all parts of sex – foreplay, intercourse, oral sex, touch, whole body, clitoris, vagina, breasts – everywhere.
Women get a very limited experience from normal sex.
They perceive it as sex the way it should be – and they don't get much out of it so they think the problem is with them.
But the sex itself is just not good enough for you to enjoy it enough to want it.
3. SEX IS JUST HARD WORK
In a relationship there is another common cause of low desire for sex.
The version of sex most people practice is a rigid and inflexible big job
You always have to make it intense, passionate, exciting.
You always have to spend lots of energy on it, do lots of stimulation and stay to the death until orgasms are achieved both ways.
It may be nice but in the midst of real life you just don’t have the energy to get worked up like this every time.
And for the sake of what? Some ‘pleasure?’
It kind of defeats the purpose - if for pleasure you have to do hard work.
You don’t want sex because you don’t have the option of easy sex.
Something that doesn’t feel to you like a big job, like a burden.
Something that doesn’t make your body work so hard with all that intensity.
Some relaxing lovemaking, revitalizing and nourishing, where you can just recharge together and not get drained by it.
If you had those options then intimacy would be far more attractive.
So a lot of women don't want sex because they simply don't have the energy for it and there is no low-energy option.
(If this is the main reason you don't want sex - there is a dedicated guide on Having No Energy For Sex)
4. SEX MAKES YOU FEEL WORSE
And sex often feels like it makes you lose something in your relationship.
You have a wonderful relationship, you are close and caring, you really love each other...
But then you have sex and it feels like it’s about something else entirely – from all your ideas of ‘great sex’.
You should excite each other like objects.
You should perform for each other.
You may get treated like a sex doll or a porn movie.
You may get treated like a hole for the man’s orgasm.
You are worked like a machine to squeeze out your orgasm.
Then you might take your turn to work your lover to make them come.
It all gives a subtle sense of disillusionment. It feels like the side of your relationship you don’t want to see - because you love each other.
You don’t want to feel that from your partner.
So maybe you’d rather avoid sex.
These reasons are enough to make you not want sex most of the time.
It is actually very logical and healthy when you don’t want this sort of sex – why would you?
Wanting more sex is not one quick tip, it’s not a switch you can flip.
It involves making sex better:
Much more engaging for your body, with the right technique
Truly nourishing and enriching quality for body and heart
Valuable in all the ways that are meaningful to your life
Emotionally satisfying
Easy enough and not hard work
Manageable in your life and giving, rather than taking.
This involves creating a whole practice of sex.
You can't get a guide 'how to create more desire for sex'.
Make better sex and you will have more desire for it.
For this reason it is not possible to give you a guide to ‘how to create more desire for sex’.
Make better sex and you will have more desire for it.
THE BEST PLACE FOR THAT IS THE ENTIRE ADVANCED SEX COURSE
You will create the entire practice of sex that will make you love sex.
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( *These guides come with a lot of techniques from Holistic Sex and will improve your sex beyond this problem. This is reflected in the price. This is also why you get a discount if you have already purchased Holistic Sex - just sign in.)
